this morning i woke up and thought, god, i wish i was clean.
i mean, i wish there were a lake or a river or a pond or something where i could go and dip myself in and come out clean. free of my past and free of my sins and free of regret and free of memory. just start fresh with the people in my life that i love and who love me. dismiss all the things that have happened, purge myself of all the grudges and hurt feelings.
in my ideal world, when bad things transpired, time would heal the wounds and people would get over it. and nothing would ever be the same, but things would be calm and easy and without tension.
it's so hard to try and be good all the time. it's so hard to balance loving with being loved. there's always a loss on one side or the other and i either end up feeling selfish or hurt.
i adore those of you who are my friends now. especially those of you with whom i have disagreed, and then resolved things with. i love you most of all, because you won't let the hurt ruin the forever.
i started to cry for a minute there. but i'm saving that for thursday.
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